Emotions
by WearerOfCapes
Summary: Just a lot of fluff. It was going to be lots of unrelated one-shots, but it turned into a storyline, so here they all are. Slash becomes involved. Rated T for language and that.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, this is my first Mighty Boosh fic, so I'm not sure how good it is. It's a bit random at the start, but hopefully it'll make sense soon enough. I've written it in the points of view of Vince and Howard, which was surprisingly easy. They're all really short, by the way. Sorry about that. Anyways. On with the story. One last thing...**

**Disclaimer: I unfortunately don't own the Boosh. It belongs to those fabulous blokes Noel and Julian. Bless 'em.**

Exhaustion

Howard's POV

I couldn't sleep that night. Again. Insomnia burdens the best of us, and I was barely that. I lay in bed for a few hours, tossing and turning, trying in vain to get comfortable. Then I sat up, leaning on the headboard. In the end, I gave up and began to pace the room. But after a couple of times walking around, I smacked my knee on the bedside table.

"Bollocks!" I swore as quietly as I could, but knew I had woken Vince. He was in the bed across the room, where he had been peacefully sleeping a few seconds ago. But now he was sitting up straight, eyes wide in the darkness.

"Howard?" he whispered. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, little man. Go back to sleep."

"Why were you wandering around at three am anyway?" I sat back down on the edge of my bed.

"I can't sleep." I muttered.

"Insomnia again?" Vince was always sympathetic when it came to lack of sleep. He was used to it, but that was mostly because he liked to stay out all night partying.

"Yeah. I've felt it coming for a while now. Maybe it'll go away after a few days." Vince got out of bed and came to sit down next to me.

"You're too stressed out, Howard. What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what are you worrying about to give you insomnia again? You always get insomnia when you're worried." I sighed and ran my hands through my hair.

"I think... It's just the gig coming up. It's a pretty big gig, yeah?" I lied.

"Howard, don't worry about that. We always smash those gigs to pieces. Come on. It'll be fine." He held out his arms for a hug. I hesitated before holding him close to me. He was warm, and I listened to his breathing for a moment before I let go.

"Try to sleep, Howard. It'll be okay." I nodded, and Vince went back to his own bed. I lay down too, looking at the wall, thinking. I had lied about what was wrong. Why? Well, I knew why. It was because I was worrying about Vince. None of the usual stuff, like whether all the partying was doing him any harm, whether he was naturally that bloody skinny or if he was just starving himself to fit into those skin tight clothes. No. This time I was worrying because my feelings for him had changed. I had always loved him in a small way, as my best friend, so close we could have been brothers. Or lovers. And that was what I wanted. It hurt to say it, but... I loved him. And I just didn't know what to do about it.

**Reviews would be hugely appreciated. Much love x**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This one seems even shorter. Sigh. I'm too concise for my own good. This one's also more angsty.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Boosh. I'm not Noel or Julian or the BBC. Shame.**

Despair

Vince's POV

"Howard? Come on, let me in, it's freezin' out here." I stood outside the shop door in mid-November with my glitterball suit on. I wasn't exactly warm. Howard had thrown me out because I said stuff to him. I didn't mean it. Well, I did at the time. But not now. Not now I was freezing my arse off outside at eleven at night.

"Howard please. I'm sorry." I pleaded. "I know I said all that stuff about you being a jazzy freak who nobody likes, but that ain't true. I didn't mean it." No one answered from inside for a minute. Then I heard Howard say quietly:

"Fuck off, Vince." I closed my eyes and leant my head on the glass of the door. He didn't know how much he was hurting me. Or I hoped he didn't, anyway. I leant right close to the glass and said softly:

"I'm really, really sorry, Howard. I didn't mean it. All those things I said. It was the heat of the argument; I know I can be cruel. But Howard, you're my best mate. I couldn't live without you, you know that. I'd be lost without my jazz maverick." I let out a small smile. "And there are loads of good memories. You know, without me, you won't be able to make any more. Your choice." I waited for a few seconds, but everything was silent inside. I sighed and sat down on the floor with my back to the door, running my hands through my perfect hair, ruining it. But who cared? I only did it for Howard. I did everything for Howard. He was the only person I ever wanted to be around. I loved him, truly, madly loved him. And I thought that, given time, he would start to love me too. But now I'd blown it. He could never love me. I was so cruel and nasty to him. I called him names, I made fun of him, I was generally horrible. And now it looked like I'd blown it once and for all. I wanted to cry, but managed to hold back the tears. Until, that is, Howard opened the door. One look at his face, and I couldn't stop them anymore. Howard looked at me in concern and picked me up off the floor. He took me into the shop and up to the flat. He sat me on the sofa with him next to me, holding me tightly. It took nearly half an hour for me to calm down, and Howard managed to get over his 'no touching' policy for all that time. I stayed in his arms after I had finished crying though. He didn't say anything to me. Just held me. And now I'm confused. Does that mean he loves me back? Or that he didn't want to do it? I just want to tell him everything. I don't like being unsure. My fashion sense suffers when I'm unsure. And… I really do love Howard. I've never loved anyone like this, bird or bloke. I need him. He's everything to me. I don't know what I'd do if I lost him…


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This one's meant to be funnier, but I'm not sure. Its a bit weird. Anyway. As you were.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Frustration

Dialogue only

"Howard?"

"What do you want Vince? You can't keep coming in here and disturbing me when I'm busy."

"Sorry Howard. It's just… Well, you know that mouse that came in the other day?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, it's under the sink, and I saw it, and it scared the livin' hell out o' me. And I knocked one o' Naboo's potions over, and now there's one 'ell of a stink down there."

"Well, clean it up, then!"

"I tried! It's really 'orrible though. I was nearly sick on your jazz records."

"You're lucky you weren't, because I would have strung you up!"

"Please, Howard? Just come an' help me?"

"Fine. Just give me a second."

"Why?"

"Cause I'm watching this."

"What is it?"

"It's a documentary on a legend of jazz: Screamin' Ted Murphy."

"Oh. Boring."

"…"

"Howard?"

"What?"

"Why was he Screamin'?"

"I don't know. Maybe he was always in pain."

"Maybe. But I am, and I don't scream."

"What? Since when were you in constant pain?"

"Never mind. Come on, it's finished now. We gotta clean up before Naboo gets back."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello again. I wonder if I'm getting on your nerves now. I'm getting on my own nerves, actually. Sorry if I am. I don't mean to; I just want to express love to anyone who can be bothered to read this. There's much of it.**

**Disclaimer: No. Sorry.**

Anger

Howard's POV

Saturday nights were a struggle with Vince, especially when he'd recently been grounded by Naboo for coming home so drunk he couldn't remember his name. He sat on the sofa, legs curled to his chest, scowling at the blank TV. I looked over the top of my Global Explorer at him, trying not to laugh. He looked just like a small child sulking. He saw my smile.

"What?" He demanded.

"Oh, nothing."

"Howard, can't you let me go out? Please? I'm so bored."

"No. Look, it's not my choice, Naboo owns this place. He's in charge. If I had a choice, I'd let you go and I'd be out there with you. I'm bored as well."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, we never do anything anymore. We used to have epic crimp battles and fight off monsters and rogue shamans. Now, we just sort of… vegetate."

"I know what you mean. We should do somethin'… together." I raised an eyebrow.

"Is that a hint?"

"Oh, come on, Howard. I know how I feel, you know how you feel, why don't we just make it known?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I lied.

"Yes you do. Please, don't put me through this. I know you love me." I fell silent. Vince blinked awkwardly at me, then looked at the floor. "I'm sorry." He whispered. But I pushed past him and down the stairs. Picking up my coat, I opened the door and left the shop.

"Howard, please! Stay with me!" He called after me, but I left him behind, feeling guilty for it. I didn't look back, but wandered around London for hours. The dimness of evening faded into the deep cold darkness of night. I looked at the nearest street sign and found that I was miles away from home. There was no point in going back to sleep. By the time I got there it would be morning. So I found a cleanish park bench and sat down. I wasn't even sure why I had left. I wasn't angry with Vince. More sort of confused as to how he knew. Was it that obvious? Clearly it must have been. I shook my head and closed my eyes, trying not to think of Vince's face as I left, and how close to tears he had been again.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello. This chapter kind of does what it says on the tin. Over and out.**

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

Sadness

Vince's POV

As soon as Howard was out of the door, I burst into tears. I couldn't help it. I hadn't shown him even a little bit of my feelings. Just the tiniest fraction of the truth. And he'd run off. Maybe I'd been reading the signs wrong. Maybe he was disgusted at the very thought of us… you know. Maybe he hated me now. I decided that I couldn't stay in the shop alone, knowing Howard was out there somewhere. I took the keys from the counter, walked out, and locked up behind me. It was cold outside. A clear night. I looked up at the stars, but the moon was new. I couldn't see it. The moon was always a light in the darkness. Now it wasn't there. I followed the streets around for a bit, talking to myself. Imagining what I would say to Howard if this hadn't happened, if I was confessing to him without all the tension.

"You know, Howard, you're my best mate. In the whole world. My other mates are all shallow. They just care about stuff like looks and money and fame. But you're not like them. You care about some pretty weird stuff, it's true. You know, jazz, and stationery, and weird trilby hats. But you care about me. You care about who I actually am. Not like some of my friends. Old friends now. Mansfield dumped me cause I was a Goth for a bit; Vector fucked off cause I was poor; Jacque LeCube left me behind as soon as he got a bit well known. But you've always been there, Howard. You've never left me. You don't give a damn whether I'm good looking, or rich, or famous, cause we're always together. If one of us has got a problem, so has the other. That's what we're like, Howard. You and me, there's something there. You were right on the roof that time, when you went on about the chemistry and the sexual tension. There's a lot of that. We'll never get rid of that. We go further than mates, even if we're too scared to admit it. We should be together. I've known that since about three months after I met you. And I've known it ever since. I've always been too scared to say anything. I always thought that if I left it long enough and flirted with you enough, you might notice by yourself, and it'd all happen on its own. But I guess I was wrong about that. You haven't noticed. So I need to tell you. I love you, Howard Moon. More than anything in the world. I've become so used to you, so reliant on you, that I don't think I can live without you. If you died, I'd have to go with you. Even if there's no heaven, at least I wouldn't have to feel that Howard-shaped hole in my life. And I think this is the most poetic I've ever been to anyone. And you ain't even here to hear it. Please Howard. Where are you?" My voice cracked as I said these last words, and I stumbled a few more streets in silence, trying to see through the fog that had suddenly come down, and the haze of tears in my eyes. In the end, I collapsed in exhaustion, falling to my knees in an alley, sobbing Howard's name over and over. But he couldn't hear.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I thought i should get some memories going. You know what they say, trips down memory lane can... do something. Anyway. Back to the reason you're here.**

**Disclaimer: Do you think that the Boosh would have been gone for three years if I owned it?**

Guilt

Howard's POV

I woke up the next morning to a blinding headache and heartache. I felt so guilty for leaving Vince. So I got up immediately, ignoring the pounding in my skull, and rushed back to the shop. But the door was locked, and there was no one inside. I thought maybe Vince was in bed, so I banged on the shutters. After ten minutes, though, there was still no response, and I knew Vince was gone. I gave up and began to walk around the city, my tatty coat wrapped around me, trying to guard from the cold. It was frosty outside, and foggy. When I looked up, the sky was pure white, opaque, impenetrable. The sun couldn't break through to warm my back like it had that day. My memories came flooding back to me…

_Vince and I had sat on the beach that bright August day. Neither of us had bothered to pack swimming trunks. I'm a modest man, and Vince thought they were out of fashion at that point. So we sat on the sand in ordinary clothes, or at least as ordinary as Vince's ever got. It was a black t-shirt, actually, plain for a change, and red snakeskin jeans. He had his usual golden boots on. I wore blue cut-off jeans, and my favourite patterned shirt. As we sat with our backs to the sun, Vince said:_

"_Howard? Do you like it here?" As he turned to look at me, the sun got in his eyes, and he squinted through it._

"_Well, course I do. It's nice to get away from London for once."_

"_But… do you like it here? Specifically, I mean."_

"_Um… yeah, I guess so. Why?"_

"_Well, there were loads of people earlier. They were staring at me, and then they started calling me names. I tried to shout back, but my throat was all tight, and I couldn't. I was scared."_

"_Oh, Vince. Why didn't you tell me? We could have gone back."_

"_I didn't want to ruin it for you."_

"_You'd never ruin it, Vince. It's alright." I pulled him into an awkward one armed hug, and he smiled a little._

"_Thanks Howard."_

"_It's fine. Come on. We'll leave now. At least they accept us in London."_

We went back to London that day. I was eighteen; he was seventeen, on our first holiday without any adults. I looked back to that time as I wandered the streets, and wished I could return to it.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: More memories. This chapter seems unbelievely short. I dislike it muchly. which is not a word. I apologise.**

**Disclaimer: Surely this isn't necessary? I've done it before. Many times.**

Fear

Vince's POV

I woke up in the alleyway with dreams in my head, refusing to go away. I had dreamt of so many things it was unbelievable. I could only remember shattered parts. Fire, ice, darkness, fear, pain, death. It all landed on my tired mind like a ton of bricks. The heartache it caused me was devastating. It made an old memory come back to me so quickly it was like it was on elastic. It was Howard's sixteenth, and we were at his house:

_Howard sighed._

"_It's no good Vince. No one's gonna come." He said in despair._

"_Oh, Howard, don't worry. Maybe they're just late." I replied._

"_The party started an hour ago. Face it; they aren't going to bother now."_

"_Well, maybe they all go caught up. Maybe the entire population of London's just gone missing, and we're the only people left. How cool would that be?"_

"_Not cool at all. Look, it isn't likely. I might as well give up. I've got exams to revise for anyway." He went to get up off the sofa, but I pulled him down again._

"_Howard, don't give up. Never give up. Your dreams can take you places. Don't give up on this one just cause its small. If you do, you'll start getting used to it, and then you'll be giving up on the big ones."_

"_That's probably the smartest thing I've heard you say."_

"_Do you really need a party anyway? You've got me, ain't you?" He looked at me, his brown eyes steady._

"_Yeah. Yeah, that's true. We can do something, can't we?"_

"_Yeah, we can. Where do you wanna go?"_

"_You choose. I don't want to make choices anymore."_

In the end, we had gone to Oxford Street to do some shopping, and Howard had learnt his lesson never to shop with me. I remembered that day with happiness. Even though it had been a sad day for us, losing friends like that, we knew it didn't matter. And in the end we had a laugh, and it was a good day. I often wished I could have that day back again. But that wasn't possible.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Ah. Now we get into the fluffier territory. Which makes me think of an area of land which grows fur in winter. That'd be cute. But not as cute as Howard and Vince.**

**Disclaimer: Nah. I wish.**

Love

Howard's POV

It was night again, and I was still stumbling around London. I hadn't eaten all day, so felt light headed and delirious. The cold was drilling deep into my bones. By ten p.m., I was in a residential street somewhere in the region of Euston Road. I just wanted to sleep. But I caught sight of a lonely figure walking past the last streetlight on the road and into the darkness beyond. Those silver boots, and that strut, although currently muted, were unmistakeable. I ran after the figure, dodging the parked cars, calling his name. Finally, he heard me. He stopped and turned around. Vince looked awful. His hair, normally beautifully tamed, was a straggly, fluffy mess. His eyeliner had smudged and run, his eyes were red from crying.

"Oh, God." I whispered. "I'm so sorry, Vince."

"It's me who should be sorry. I'm the one who blurted it out." He murmured in reply.

"And I'm the one who ran off." I paused. "Were you telling the truth? You really knew?" As I took a step towards him, a nearby house's security light came on, throwing his face into sharp relief as he looked away.

"Yeah." He whispered.

"And you don't mind?"

"No, Howard. I… I love you. Like nothing else." My eyes grew wide as I stared at him.

"Oh, god. I've been waiting to hear that for… years. Thank you."

"You mean you love me?" Vince looked confused and weary.

"Yes. I love you, Vince Noir. Nothing'll ever change that." He stepped forward until he was right in front of me, and reached up to kiss me. We stood together, lips locked, for almost an hour. And finally I knew I could be happy.

We walked back to the shop slowly, fingers entwined, all tiredness suddenly gone from us. We were energised by the revelations we had encountered. We were silent for a while, before Vince said:

"Howard?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy Birthday." I looked up in shock. I had forgotten all about it. But I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks, little man."

**Aaw. Happy ending. But there's another chapter... Read on...**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Last chapter! I bet you're relieved, eh? Well, just read this, it kinda resolves things a little. Shows what they're like together.**

**Disclaimer: I have no witty things left. I don't own it.**

Elation

Vince's POV

Three days later, I couldn't sleep. I knew about Howard's insomnia, and wondered if it was contagious. Probably not. I could see Howard sitting up in bed across the room, so I got up and walked over.

"Alright, little man?" he whispered. I smiled and replied:

"I'm fine. Just can't sleep."

"Know how you feel."

"Can I get in your bed?"

"Feel free." I got under the duvet with him. It was warm. His bed was always warmer than mine, because mine was under the window. I sat up next to him, a little scared to touch him. I was used to him not wanting me to, and even though the last three days had been so different, I was finding it hard to forget. But he held out a hand, and I took it in mine. After a few moments, I mustered the courage to shift over and lean on him, my head on his chest. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I sighed.

"Howard?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really tired."

"Me too. Must have been that couple of days on the streets."

"Yeah. Took me ages to get my eyeliner off my face. Used a whole pack of baby wipes."

"I noticed. I went to get one earlier and they were gone."

"Why did you want one?"

"One of the wet paintings you put in the airing cupboard to dry fell on my face. I was trying to get the paint off."

"I hope you didn't smudge it." I said worriedly.

"Well, if I did, I'm really sorry."

"It's alright. I'll do another one." We lapsed into gentle calm silence, and we gradually slipped down the pillows until we were lying down. And we both fell asleep, and didn't wake until morning. Turns out all we needed was someone to hold us in the night. I'd been telling myself it'd be alright for years. Now I finally believed it.

**Thank you for reading! reviews still bring much love ;) Lots of love from moi. x**


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